


Stream of Consciousness

by kelex



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode Related, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:11:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelex/pseuds/kelex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor thinks about Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stream of Consciousness

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: The Idiot's Lantern, The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit, New Earth, Dalek, the Christmas Invasion, The Parting of the Ways

If he counted the number of times he'd caught Rose's eye, shared a smile that encompassed the universe, embraced each other like puzzle pieces… they'd have an eternity together. And whenever they were together, he never closed his eyes. He refused to miss a single second.

Two times were his favorites. The first, Florizel Street in 1953 London. Searching through the Wire's newly-restored victims, meeting Rose's eyes, and feeling the rest of reality just drain away. The smell of her hair, the smoothness of her cheek, the soft giggle-whisper in his ear, the tight clasp of her arms. The surge of relief, of having Rose whole again and in his arms made both his hearts beat quicker.

The second, the Impossible Planet, Krop-Tor. It began, for him, the instant he heard her voice over the radio; "I'm here! It's me! Oh, my God. Where are you?" He could hear her feet clattering on the deck plates as she helped Danny and Ida get off the ramp, and then she ran straight into the TARDIS. His arms were open and waiting, and still they're almost both bowled over by her relief. They clung together for what felt like a lifetime, swinging Rose like a planet in the air as her feet never touched the floor. And it's made so much better, and so much more complicated, by the fact that they both know now that there's love--on both sides. 

Part of the Doctor knows this won't end well, can't ever end well, because Rose will die, and he will mourn her loss for the rest of his very long life. But he is in love, so deeply and thoroughly in love with Rose Tyler that it doesn't matter. He would rather have her for her life's span and then lose her, than never to have loved her at all. 

It had felt vaguely voyeuristic, almost violating, to hear Cassandra speaking out Rose's private thoughts about him, worse to feel the kiss even though it had had him walking on clouds for days after. And he felt guilty for being gratified, but for the first time ever, he'd thought of someone during his regeneration. Of her, of Rose, to be a man she wouldn't be uncomfortable with, to stop being mistaken for her father. Mister Tyler was fine by him, so long as it meant significant other, not Papa. 

And she liked it. Naughty Rose had been watching the Doctor, but it was only fair turnabout; the Doctor had always been watching Rose. 

But even more than love, than lust or beauty or desire, there was respect, admiration, even faith. Faith that he'd lost, she gave back to him. "I believe in her," he'd told the Beast, and that was nothing but the truth. 

Rose was kind, merciful, loving. Best of everything , all the good and all the evil of humanity. She showed mercy to a merciless Dalek, compassion for the oppressed Ood, anger at the violation of her world by the Sycorax. And bravery, so much bravery. And bravado, fear and fearlessness combined. So much packed inside a tiny human brain that expanded into a mind the size of the universe. Bigger on the inside, indeed.

And she'd held the universe in her mind. For him, to save him, fearless and beautiful Rose absorbed the whole of time and space. "I want you safe, my Doctor. From the false god." Their first kiss and it cost the Doctor his life and both his hearts.

Small price to pay, as far as he was concerned. 

Everything he could imagine was a small price to pay. Seventy years together, hundreds to thousands without her. 

The only thing he couldn't bear was to lose her.

End


End file.
